Camille Cusumano

Hey, this is a private family affair!! Well, OK, you can sit in if you like to know what a Big Family meeting is like – only you might not get it all.

November 27, 2009

Jim facilitated and he started out by asking each of us siblings to describe one of our best memories about growing up:

Tom: Noise, company, love, role models

Grace: Felt safe

Tina: Proud of my brothers and sisters

Terry: Mom gave me hope, Dad gave me affection

Camille: our togetherness, my fantasy-escape life

Lisa: Affection from Dad; never alone

Sal: bantering, discussions

Chuck: no need for outside world

Jim: Whenever people heard I was oldest of 10, felt proud, cool

What are our goals for today?

Tom: Finding the best path for Mom

Grace: Have everyone on the same page to know where Mom is mentally, physically, spiritually

Tina: Regain Mom’s happiness and confidence

Terry: Mom’s safety and maintain family unity

Camille: Shared awareness of Mom’s situation; address immediate needs

Lisa: Get Mom in a place where’s she’s safe and happy

Sal: Address immediate needs for Mom

Chuck: Ditto

Jim : ditto plus awareness

Rules for the meeting:

Tom: consensus not necessary; majority rules

Grace: Focus on goal (don’t go off on tangents)

Tina: non-conflict

Terry: non-violent communication

Camille: no crosstalk (no immediate rebuttal)

Lisa: Allow person to speak their mind

Sal: ditto #5 (Camille)

Chuck: listen to understand

Jim: Total integrity

Immediate needs for Mom (situation):

—Has aged considerably – will not resume vibrancy

—Needs someone to shop, be there when she showers, other assistance around home/community

—Can’t drive

—social interaction

—one in 20 chance of falling (statistic)

Solutions considered (before we voted on priorities):

—Call Tina

—Assess home for falls

—Hire someone to come in

—HomeInstead (a biz that charges $18/hour, minimum $150/week, two days/8 hours)

—Community outreach [Father Bozzelli, Marge (Avon lady’s mom), Kathy & Joe the neighbors, Jennifer, Bible group person, George (Camille’s bike buddy), cleaning women (Corinne, Debbie), others]

—Assessment of Mom

—Temporary stay in assisted living

—mobile wheelchair

—Ask Mom? (I forget what this was)

—Live with one of us

—1/10 of year live with each of us

—Hire someone to live with Mom

—Hire taxi service for Mom

—Put word out to grand kids (to take a “vacation” with Gram)

We then each marked our three preferred solutions, numbering them in order of preference. A CPA among us tallied the votes and the winning top three solutions were:

Assess home for falls

Hire someone to come in

Hire a taxi service

Some discussion ensued with and it was agreed that these three measures did not exclude others. Sal and I agreed on something, for the second or third time during the meeting: community outreach should be kept on the list.

Implementation of solutions was discussed:

—community outreach – Camille volunteered to undertake over a period of 3-4 weeks. This entails calling/emailing the people (mentioned above) and asking them to actively reach out – and specify what Mom needs. Etc, stay tuned for more on this.

—Call mom (more frequently, if/when possible) all of us

—Hire someone to come in. (Jim will spearhead)

—Assess home for falls (Grace)

—Look into assisted living (Terry)

—Hire a taxi service (Lisa)

We addressed the fact that there is a long-term concern, namely Mom’s housing, possible need for assisted living, that the expense would be shared by all, should it come to that. We did not attempt to come to conclusions on this issue, only get it on the table. (Send your comments on this – I don’t recall the whole discussion).

Lisa (and Vadj) who’s been Mom’s “first line of defense” for many years asked for some support – suggesting that NJ/PA family visit Mom every four weeks as this cuts down to some extent on Mom’s intense focus on her for every little thing. Our brothers also offered to try to get to Mom’s for a visit to alleviate the stress on Lisa and Vadj. If they can come three times a year to visit that would come out to once a month for a son to visit as well. Having a family calendar will assist on the weekends that we will offer to visit.

Camille will attempt to throw up a Web page – ideally with a calenda

Did I leave out any important details?

Another long term goal would be to go to Tuscany, rent a villa, for Mom’s 90 th birthday. Tom can trade one visit to Mom by running the organization of the trip.